"Harley's Holiday"
We open on a trailer for a "Lobo" film, but then the channel flips to an 80's kung-fu style "Great Ten" film, the channel flips again showing a sitcom called "Angel & The Ape", yet again it flips to a documentary on "The Amazing Man". Harley Quinn-sitting in a recliner in front of a fire place-shuts off the TV and complains that there's nothing good on. In the corner of the room is a family of three tied up. Harley sees them squirming and tells them that despite nothing good being on TV, she'll tell them a story about her last Christmas adventure.
Now in the current timeline, we see Gotham City covered in December snowfall and all of Gotham's citizens are hustling about to buy presents. Running through the city is Harley Quinn with a sack of merchandise over her shoulder. She hides behind a wall and is wrapped in a grappling hook, then she is pulled up to the rooftop where Batman (the new Batman, Dick Grayson) stands before her. Harley claims all the stuff she took was paid for, but Batman reminds her she paid in Christmas cookies. Harley defends herself by pointing out how hard it is for a convict to get a job. Batman lets Harley off the hook because he knows she's been good ever since the events of "Death of The Family" and tells her to just go home. At her apartment Harley looks at her little Christmas tree, decorated with only one ornament. She remembers buying that ornament with her parents. Harley calls up Poison Ivy and asks her to join her for Christmas festivities, but Ivy hates Christmas. Mostly because the cold climate and traditions of reefs and trees are harmful to plants. Ivy does motivate Harley to spend the holiday doing something of value.
We see a teenage girl running into a sewer. She trips in the sludge and frantically rolls around in waste, throwing up a little too. We see visible bruises along her arm and she repeats "no home" over and over as she curls into a ball. In the water before her she sees a face, clearly severed off of a head. It's white skin and red lips remind the girl of The Joker, a man who seemed invincible even to "The Batman". The Joker didn't need a home, The Joker didn't need anything. The teenage girl takes her belt and straps the face so her own, creating a mask out of it. She rises from the sewer slime, reborn as The Joker's Daughter.
The next morning Harley tries to buy a coffee at a Starbucks, but the employees refuse to serve her. Harley rants until a handsome man walks in and buys a coffee for her. When they sit down Harley recognizes this man as Jack Ryder a former talk show host. The two of them have an awkward relationship because of the events of "Gotham Central" a TV show that would be part of this hypothetical cinematic universe. In "Gotham Central" there would be an episode where Harley Quinn kidnaps various Gotham celebrities and drop them in acid in an attempt to create a new Joker. Jack was dropped only for a few seconds, but developed a multiple personality called "The Creeper" which prayed on the lives of criminals. Jack forgives Harley for those events, showing that Wayne Industries provided him with a patch that sends electric pulses to the part of his brain damaged by the acid. While the electro-patch kept The Creeper buried, Jack rebuilt his life and came to the conclusion that if he could be given another chance at happiness, so should Harley Quinn.
That night, a few rocks are tossed at Poison Ivy's greenhouse. A microwave is then tossed at the greenhouse and it breaks the glass. Harley Quinn crawls in and Ivy-who has grown accustomed to Harley's antics-invites her in. Harley tells Ivy all about what Jack said and that she wants to spend Christmas righting her wrongs and she needs Ivy's help to do it. As long as she promises to get a plastic tree, Ivy agrees to help Harley. Harley and Ivy go to Jack's house in the middle of the night and try to recruit him too, but Jack points out how late it is and how he has to work tomorrow and blah blah blah. Ivy knocks Jack out with some spores and Harley takes off the electro-patch to see if Jack would liven up without it. As they skip off, we see The Joker's Daughter watching from a sewer vent. The Joker's Daughter looks in a reflection of water where the Joker's face tells her to wipe away those who abandoned him, to kill the traitor Harley Quinn.
Back at her apartment, Harley shows Poison Ivy and the tied-up Jack Ryder a list called "The Hit Christmas Forgiveness List". Harley and her friends will visit each person on the list and give them a present. Their first target is obvious: Batman. Jack asks how Harley even plans on catching Batman. The Bat-Signal appears in the night sky and Batman swoops down onto the roof of the police station. He sees Officer Harvey Bullock tied up with Christmas light and goes to release him, but he is stopped by Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy. Harley gives Batman an Xmas gift and he scans in with his suit's tech, acknowledging that it isn't a trap. He opens the gift to find a knitted sweater with a big bat symbol on it. Batman regards how it's kind of big and Harley points out that she was going off "the older, fatter Batman's measurements". Batman thanks Harley and tells her to go away before he arrests her for assaulting an officer. Harvey Bullock undoes the lights and demands he get a gift too. When Harley asks what he wants, Bullock instead tells her what he wants to give. Harley and Ivy walk back to their car and each of them have a black eye. Harley opens the trunk where Jack is tied up in ribbons next to all the presents. Jack asks about the black eye and Harley claims she found the opposite of a mistletoe. As they drive off, The Joker's Daughter rolls up on a pink bicycle and tries to follow them.
On their way too Metropolis the girls take refuge in a one-bed motel. Harley and Ivy slumber in a bed together while Jack Ryder is locked in the bathroom. Jack starts to sweat and breath heavy, he rips out of the ribbons and climbs out of the tub he was tossed in. Looking in the mirror he sees his skin become yellow and he sees himself giggling uncontrollably. Harley and Ivy hear a window break and run into the bathroom where Jack has jumped out of the window. Oddly enough, everything but his underwear is on the floor and the complimentary towel is gone. From the bushes outside the motel, The Joker's Daughter watches as Harley and Ivy run out and get in their car. The Joker's Daughter snickers as she claims the car's rear tire has been slashed and that they'll never get anywhere. However, the girls drive the car despite the slashed tire and end up driving into The Joker's Daughter. Harley calmly tells Ivy to back up and just go around the girl they just hit.
Harley and Ivy pull up in front of a biker bar (the same bar destroyed in "Superman: Doom") where several beat-up bikers lay around the bar. The only two conscious people are the bartender and Jack Ryder, who are laughing about a funny story the barkeep tells. Jack is dressed only in his red underwear and the towel he fashioned into a cape, the rest of his body is yellow and his hair has turned green, his eyes are bloodshot and he's constantly smiling. He turns to see Harley and makes a "woof woof" sound. When Harley refers to Jack, he insists that she call him Creeper. Poison Ivy tries to offer Creeper a jacket because of how cold it is, but Creeper sees the jacket as a straightjacket and kicks Ivy across the room. Poison Ivy and The Creeper get ready to fight as Harley stands between them.
A car of juggalos (fans of The Insane Clown Posse) speeds down the road singing along with their music. They stop the car when they see The Joker's Daughter shambling in the middle of the road. Back at the biker bar, Poison Ivy and The Creeper fight and Creeper shows how pain doesn't effect him. Harley grows tired of the fight and just uses her charm to convince The Creeper to stop, which he does. The three of them leave the bar, and while the bartender is angry he's at least happy the bar wasn't destroyed. One of the biker's wakes up and sees Harley, Ivy and Creeper drive off. The Joker's Daughter wakes up in the car of juggalos (two in the front, three in the back, she's laying down on the three in the back). They ask her if she's going to the Insane Clown Posse and if she wants to party with them, but she pulls out a gun and orders them to stop the car. Harley and her crew drive past just as the juggalos' car pulls over. The Joker's Daughter lines the juggalos up and thinks about which she should kill first. When she mentions that she's The Joker's Daughter, the juggalos beg to join her. They tell her that The Joker was "literally an insane clown" and that if she's his daughter they will follow her wherever she goes. The Joker's Daughter decides to recruit the juggalos as her minions and they get in the car (her in the passenger seat, three men in the back, one man awkwardly laying across the laps of the men in the back). The Joker Posse car drives off as the group of bikers (Heaven's Demons) follow them.
Harley and friends get to Metropolis where Barbara Gordon and Jim Gordon are currently living. They go the hotel the Gordon's are staying at and must disguise themselves as a group of circus performers, Harley being a clown, Creeper being a strongman, and Ivy being a bearded lady (using moss as a beard). Harley needs to talk to Barbara Gordon alone so Ivy and Creeper disguise themselves as FBI agents and tell Jim Gordon that they need his help. They stuff Jim into a car and put a bag over his head so that "he doesn't know where their secret base is". Barbara enters the kitchen to find Harley standing there. Barbara is instantly mad because Harley broke in, and since her father is missing that means Harley probably kidnapped him too. Harley tries to offer Barbara a present, but she knocks it out of her hands and tells her that she won't fall for her tricks and The Joker has already taken enough from her. Harley snaps back and tells Babs that she lost a lot to Joker too. "You and your people think you're the only victims? You think all The Joker did was dress me up and boss me around? You know I'm actually jealous of how merciful he was with you. I wish he ruined my life just for a laugh, just for a cause, but he didn't! He brainwashed me, he abused me, he told me I was dirt until he needed some food on his plate" she goes on, "After he came back and humiliated me, I told myself I wouldn't let his actions define me. But here I am still wearing this stupid costume and smiling my stupid smile for what? To be happy? Or maybe I'm just afraid a white face and a smile is all I have left. Maybe I'm afraid if I take Harley Quinn off, there won't be enough of Harleen Quinzel left". Harley puts the present on Babs' lap and leaves the room. Ivy and Creeper are still driving around with Jim all masked up. Ivy gets a text from Harley and they dump him at a barbershop in the bad part of town. Jim gets approached by a gang and easily beats them up. When Jim leaves, the gang think about following him, but then decide they should go after the two people who dropped him off.
Harley and friends go to another motel in Metropolis. Ivy goes out to buy some food while Harley tells Creeper that she's starting to doubt herself and that maybe this whole trip was a bad idea. Creeper starts to regress into Jack and he cheers Harley up. As she walks out of a convenience store Ivy notices three separate cars following her. She gets back to the motel and tells Harley that they're being followed, but she gets back just as Harley and Creeper are "in the middle of it". Bullets start flying into the room and three of them duck for cover. We see the gangsters from before are shooting into the motel room, but they are stopped by The Heaven's Demons. As the two groups run out, a bomb goes off destroying their car. The juggalos continue to make Molotov Cocktails and toss them from their car as The Joker's Daughter commands. One of the juggalos is starting to question their actions, but The Joker's Daughter playfully honks his nose and tells him there's always a place for "The Joker's Son-In-Law". Harley, Ivy and Creeper escape as the juggalos, the gangsters, and the bike crew fight each other. They try to steal a car, but the driver uses a taser to shock Creeper, knocking him out. Ivy uses her powers to seduce the driver into being their getaway driver. Creeper wakes up and due to the shock he has returned to being Jack Ryder. Against Harley's pleads, Jack gets out of the car and leaves the group. Before they try to get Jack back, Harley expresses that there is one more place she needs to go. The three factions continue to fight as The Joker's Daughter walks past them and atop a parked car. The tells them that they all want the same thing: The death of Harley Quinn and her friends. The three groups band together and break into a hardware store, outfitting themselves with weapons and tools.
In a suburban neighborhood Harley and Ivy walk towards Harley's childhood home. Before they can reach it several canisters are tossed around them and cover the area in toxic fumes. The two girls are knocked out as The Joker's Daughter and her army surround them. Jack Ryder walks along the highway trying to hitchhike, he passes a pond where he sees the reflection of The Creeper in the water. The Creeper tells him that Harley needs their help, but more Jack than him. Jack is still tormented by being tricked by Harley twice, but Creeper convinces him that Harley isn't trying to trick Jack, but instead she's trying to give Jack that second chance he believes in. Maybe forgiving her was a start, but Jack needs to forgive himself and what he's become, he needs to channel his good nature and give both sides of himself a second chance. A truck pulls by offering Jack a ride. Jack smells the lipstick Harley left on his cheek and uses his powers to get her scent and have the trucker drive him towards her.
Harley Quinn wakes up hung upside down over a pool of water in a broken down gymnasium. She looks over and sees Poison Ivy chained up in a tub of ice. The Joker's Daughter and her army stand around Harley and The Joker's Daughter claims she will wipe Harley away by simulating the birth of The Joker. Only when Harley is dumped into this pool of water she won't emerge a new person, she won't even emerge at all! Suddenly, all the lights in the gym start flashing and alarms distract The Joker's Daughter and her army. Crashing through the wall comes Creeper who stole the truck. While Creeper fights The Joker's Daughter's men, a flying drone flies over carrying a re-breather (a gadget used by Batman to supply air while he's submerged in water or gas). The drone then fires a laser that cuts Harley's handcuffs and rope. Harley then drops into the pool below. The Joker's Daughter runs over to finish off Poison Ivy, but Harley Quinn emerges from the pool and forces The Joker's Daughter to flee. Harley helps Ivy out of the pool and Ivy tells her to follow the girl. Harley first runs over to Creeper and gives him a kiss. Poison Ivy and The Creeper use their powers to fight the bikers, the juggalos and the gangsters. Harley sees The Joker's Daughter get into a car and drive off, luckily a remote controlled motorcycle shows up and Harley hops on it. While on the bike, the voice of Barbara speaks through. When Harley asks why she's helping her, Barbara claims she deserves a second chance.
The Joker's Daughter pulls to the end of a high cliff where she stops just before the ledge, but Harley rams into her and the two crash down the cliff. When Harley wakes up, The Joker's Daughter tries drowning her in the rapid river near them. Harley gets herself free, but she's knocked in the back of the head by The Joker's Daughter who ripped off a sharp of metal from the car. The Joker's Daughter beats her with the metal and Harley sees flashes of The Joker doing the same. The Joker's Daughter prepares to stab her with the metal, she asks if Harley has any last words. "Thats...that's not his face" Harley says. The Joker's Daughter doesn't believe her, but Harley says the nose is all wrong and the lips are too thick. If anyone knows the finer details of The Joker's face, it's her. The Joker's Daughter drops the metal next to Harley and walks towards the river, looking down as she claims she wanted it to be his face so bad, she wanted an identity, she wanted to be as ugly as she felt. Being part of his legacy made her feel important, but she just fooled herself. Harley looks as the sharp metal for a moment, but remembers who she is. Harley tells the teen to remove the face, when she does Harley tells her that she is beautiful. Harley tells her to throw away the face, but the teen doesn't think she can. Harley puts her hands in the river and uses the water to wash her white face paint off. Harley and the teen hold hands and the teen tosses the face into the rushing water. The teen tells Harley her name is Duela and the two walk away from the river.
The Creeper and Poison Ivy successfully defeat all the groups and Harley Quinn convinces all of them that everyone deserves a second chance. No matter how bad they may be. That night, Poison Ivy, Creeper, Duela and all three groups stand behind Harley Quinn as she prepares to knock on the door of her parents, who she hasn't seen in years. She tells Ivy that her family was broken and crazy and the reason she got into psychology in the first place. When the door opens, Harley's parents open the door and instantly welcome her in with open arms. Harley's mother tells her that after Harley went off to become a psychologist she and her father worked out their issues in couples counseling and spent years hoping she'd come back.
The next day, Harley hosts an Xmas Eve party at her parent's house with Ivy, Jack, Duela, Barbara, Jim, and all three gangs. Babs wear's the "I'm Batty For Christmas" sweater and hugs Harley, telling her that she is sorry for how she treated her. Jim Gordon agrees to drive Duela to her parent's house the next day and help sort out any problems the family has, Jim has some experience dealing with abusive families. Harley gives Jack his electro-patch back and she claims only one thing could make this the perfect Christmas. Poison Ivy uses her powers to create a mistletoe above Harley and Jack and the two of them kiss.
Harley finishes telling the story to the tied up family, apparently leaving out the part where she fought The Teen Titans and stole Amanda Waller's underwear. The family of three asks how Harley knew details of the story she wasn't there to witness. How could The Creeper be immune to pain, but get knocked out by a taser? Why didn't The Joker's Daughter just kill Harley when she was hit with the tear gas? Harley gets mad and asks them why they don't have a Christmas Tree and the family claim that not only was Xmas a week ago (meaning Harley's story is only a week old), but that the family is Jewish. "Really" Harley says, "I'm Jewish too. I just got inta' Christmas cuz they have better songs". We fade out as Harley and the kidnapped family sing a traditional Hanuka song and Harley messes up the words.
After the credits, we see a group of explorers called "The Challengers of The Unknown" guiding another man to an ancient Mayan temple. They find a large stone giant collapsed over the landscape. The Challengers claim this giant has been here for centuries, most likely built as some guardians to the temple. However, their guest tells them the giant was placed here to be Darkseid's front-line weapon in case Earth was ever to be taken. The guest-Glorious Godfrey-uses his powers of mind control on the Challengers. The Challengers paint symbols on the giant which cause it to rise from it's sleep. Godfrey tells this giant-named Devilance-that his use has finally come. Darkseid needs him.
Thanks for reading!
The Man of Steel is reborn, "Superboy" comes next week.
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