What If Squirrel Girl...

Thanos, Galactus, Doctor Doom. Villain after villain have fallen before the furry-tailed superhero known as The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl. But What If Squirrel Girl was beaten?

I don't care. I honestly do not care. I don't like Squirrel Girl. I used to, I used to think she was funny. Back when she only made sporadic appearances, back when she had the reputation of beating Doctor Doom, back when she wasn't drawn to look like a bus drove over an "Adventure Time" character. Then she got a book and everyone started loving her and referencing how unbeatable she is! It's so annoying! Every time I want to talk about how awesome Doctor Doom or Thanos is, "Uh, wasn't he beaten by Squirrel Girl". Every time I want to talk about cool superhero battles, "Squirrel Girl versus everyone". Haha. Hahahahahahhahahah! So. Goddamn. Funny. This one character, this one character who lacks any characteristic value. This character who's humor came from her silliness and the sheer miracle of her previous battles, is now held up above every other comic book character by the running joke of "she's unbeatable". And when she gets on TV? Forget about it. They'll cancel "New Warriors" and just make a Squirrel Girl show and she'll win every episode and nobody will complain about the poor narrative or the lack of character progression. No, they'll all praise and rejoice at the memeable content provided by a character who is just a giant fucking joke! God, at least One Punch Man has internal conflict. At least he's bored. In fact...you know what?
What's The Difference Between Squirrel Girl and One Punch Man!?

One Punch Man is a fucking character! He worked to be unbeatable! 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats and a 10km run every single day for a year. Squirrel Girl? No work out! No training! Just the ability to befriend squirrels! And squirrels can defeat anyone! And Saitama's track record? He's beaten everybody in one punch, but there was one guy who survived the first punch. And Baldy was surprised. Yeah he still beat that guy, but he was still surprised for a minute there. Plus, when Saitama shows up in the superhero community everyone underestimates him. Squirrel Girl? Well, everybody knows how tough she is! Why bother putting her on any Avengers teams when she can beat anyone on her own! Saitama craves a worthy battle! He wants to challenged, he wants to be defeated, he wants to know there is more to his training than what he's achieved. And Squirrel Girl is just....just her! Just unchanging. Always the joke, always the constant. No matter where you go in the Marvel Universe you'll still find her beating someone else and people will say it's entertaining. God, this must be how Goku Fans feel when they talk about Goku vs Superman.

When you take a joke too far it stops being funny. When you repeat the same joke over and over it stops being funny. When all the value your character has is a running joke it stops being funny. And she stops being a character. If you liked that Squirrel Girl book, good for you. I'm glad you even read a comic book in this age of cinema serialization. But I cannot get into it. I don't think I ever can. Squirrel Girl used to be a character who got respect for one high moment in her life, but rather than exploring what comes after one unearned victory-one fluke-it's just easier to throw someone else into the squirrel pit and wait for Tumblr to eat it up like a sack of nuts.

Thanks for reading.
Also, Squirrel Girl and Wolverine used to bang before she was twenty. Enjoy that.