I Don't Really Care About Star Wars

Full disclaimer: I don't dislike Star Wars. I don't hate Star Wars. I just don't really care about it. So, can we still be friends? Come on. Fine. I'll explain myself.

If you don't know what "Star Wars" is you're either a toddler or a Tibetan monk. Actually, I've seen my fair share of toddlers wearing Storm Trooper outfits. Anyway, you know what it is, I know what it is. So what's my beef? Well, to put all the cards out on the table I've seen the original trilogy and I like them just fine. Han, Luke, and Leia are all three-dimensional characters, Chewbacca and R2D2 are fun, Darth Vader is iconic for a reason, and the lore of the first three films is so mysterious and open that nothing feels generic. Even the most generic thing about Star Wars-The Force-feels like multiple concepts at once. It's a force of power, but also a religion. It's a way of life, but also a tool. It's everywhere at once, but it's also an entity. That's all fine and good and it paved the way for storytelling. To have an issue with the original trilogy being the blueprints for science-fiction is like hating Superman for being the blueprint for all superheroes. But after that? Eh, I can take it or leave it.

All that expanded universe stuff is cool and I'm happy writers want to expand this universe and give more to the people who love the franchise, but if that stuff is optional to the main story I don't feel inclined to learn about any of it if I just prefer the first three films. Cartoon-wise I've seen some "Clone Wars" and that show was alright, made Anakin more bearable, a few neat characters came and went. Haven't played any video games. In terms of comics I've read 2016's "Chewbacca" which was a snore. "Lando" was pretty fun. And "Darth Maul" was okay, just not worth following in my opinion. And, of course, the prequels. Here's the thing, I've seen enough and heard enough of those films to avoid them like the plague. Anakin was a horrible protagonist/tragic villain, the series has three villains who really needed more time then they got, and the dated CGI and awkward scene layout just don't carry the same magic. The Force is made into a unit of measurement, the Senate is boring, the mystique of Yoda is ruined, and no amount of young Obi-Wan Kenobi will make up for the "comic relief character". Padme was pretty cute, though. But we all know the prequels were bad, and undeserving of the fandom the first three created. This is coming from someone who is burned for loving DC Comic's characters every time a new Warner/DC movie comes out so I can sympathise with feeling betrayed, but then there are the modern films.

At the time of this article, I have not seen "Rogue One" or "The Last Jedi" or "Rebels". I am tempted to watch "Rogue One", but I have no interest in "The Last Jedi" due to my reaction to "The Force Awakens". I do not like Rey. I understand what her character is supposed to be, but just because she isn't as whiny as Luke doesn't mean she's a better character. Just because she's insanely powerful with The Force, a good pilot, an engineer, and she's hot doesn't mean she's a great character. I find her ability to become the best at whatever she tries annoying and robbing her of weakness, which in 2017, God forbid she has. I don't see the appeal of Poe, being the best pilot doesn't equal interesting character, even if he's sly. Phasma exists, Snoke exists just to drum up theories just like Rey (if she nobody's daughter I'll like her a little more), and BB8 is probably the second best droid ever just because he's the new R2D2. Kylo is, well, he's a teenage boy in the body of Wayne Campbell. Seriously, this kid finds out his grandpa was a space dictator and decides that's way cooler than being a magic wizard priest like his uncle, dresses like his dark idol, devotes his life to the cool, badass side, and wants to be stronger than everyone so badly he'd kill his father. And what part of him am I supposed to respect? His impractical Lightsaber? His generic looking mask? How about all the times he does cool Force stuff and then undercuts it by being a whiny, privileged douche? Boy, I loved it when Darth Vader whined at The Emperor because he was kept out of the loop, that was so cool. Matter of fact the only time I found a Star Wars villain as annoying as Kylo was when Anakin started to become Darth Vader. Seems like the coolest Star Wars villains are the ones you don't see in their angsty phases. The only new character I liked was Finn. He used to be a Storm Trooper, got sick of seeing his friends die and ran away, but after coming to care for his new Rebel friends he decides to overcome his fears and fight for another cause larger than himself, this time on the side of freedom. THAT is a character. His arc is quick, clean, and to the point. He has his low start, his moment of doubt, and finally his rise to action. There's no mystery around him, no theories, no metaphor or social commentary he's just a good guy who wants to do good things. And he's a Storm Trooper. You know, those guys who probably hang out with Goombas and Putties in their spare time? The Parademons and Normal-Types of their universe? For once one of these disposable goons is an actual character! That's new and different!

What isn't new or different is this new Star Wars Trilogy. I've heard "The Last Jedi" does new stuff, but I just don't think this series is for me. Like I said, I like Star Wars in a general, first glance kind of way. The early characters are great, but at risk of sounding like an old fart the new stuff just doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel better or worse or like it provides anything, it feels like it's there and it's there to make a buck. Forty years from now when the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the Star Wars Universe are still kicking I'm still going to ignoring Star Wars and following Marvel. It doesn't just come down to fandom, it comes down to variety and a general path. The Marvel Universe has plenty of avenues to explore, but Star Wars will always just be more Star Wars. All that being said, if you love Star Wars then I have nothing but kinship with you. I completely understand cementing yourself in a property, hence this website. So if you disagree with me over any of the topics we discussed today, just know that for as different as we are, we are still the same. We just fly different ships.

Thank you for reading.