TOT: Aquamilk

Remember that one time Aquaman had to bathe in cow milk to survive?

Aquaman has been the subject of plenty of criticism. With the hook-hand and the "Super Friends" and that guy in "Justice League" who everyone calls Aquaman for some reason, even though he really isn't Aquaman. He actually looks and sounds more like Lobo, but again he's called Aquaman so I think we all just got really confused. 

Anyway, the strange choices made in Aquaman stories go back a long way. All the way to "Adventure Comics #256" in 1959. In this story, Aquaman is kidnapped by smugglers. These smugglers plan on tossing Aquaman out of their plane into a desert so that the heat will kill him. See, around this time in comic books everyone had to have an exploitable weakness. Like, The Green Lantern was weak to the color yellow and Wonder Woman lost all her powers when she binded or tied up. So naturally, Aquaman became weak when out of the ocean for more than an hour. And hot conditions like a desert speed the process up. This weakness isn't all forgotten, though. Aquaman can live on land like the rest of us, but desert heat and lack of liquid does hit him harder than the rest of us.

Along with Aquaman, his companion was kidnapped too. No, not Aqualad. Not Mera. Not Barnacle Boy. Topo. Who is Topo? Why, Topo is Aquaman's pet sidekick! Superman has a Superdog, so Aquaman has an octopus! Topo The Octopus shows up now and again and was pretty helpful given his extra limbs and loyalty to Aquaman. Topo and his two other octopus friends are captured by the smugglers, but left on the plane. The smugglers just kind of circle Aquaman while the undersea hero spends the next four hours walking towards this small town in the desert. The liquid he managed to acquire was water from a car radiator belonging to some sand-buggy drivers. Drivers he refuses a ride from. What an idiot. When he makes it to town he goes looking for liquid only to learn the smugglers went to the town's water reservoir and turned off the water, meaning every fawcett in town is dry. Though he doesn't check the toilets or looks for water bottles. Maybe it's one of those places where bottled water is illegal. Which is true! Well, it was 59' so maybe they didn't invent the plastic bottle yet. That was a joke.

After recharging from a melted ice rink, Aquaman walks up towards the reservoir only to see the smugglers hiding in a house next to a barn. On a mountain. Surrounded by desert. Okay. Aquaman hides in the barn still hurting from a lack of liquid when he is met by Topo and his pals who escaped. In the barn are a few cows, so Aquaman grabs a trowel and commands Topo and friends to milk the cows and fill the trowel with it. And then he bathes in it.

Rejuvenated by the proteins of derry products Aquaman punches the smuggler and the day is saved by milk! For the second time, mind you. Aquaman and Aqualad once saved themselves from a un-watery grave using milk straight from a goat's udder. To be fair to this story it was written in 1959 when comic books were still comedic and silly and only two years later would they try to be a bit more serious. Besides, at least the milk thing made sense.The rule was that Aquaman needed liquid to maintain conscience so it's not like milk didn't count. Unless it's powdered milk, which is gross. I wonder if it were strawberry he'd come out pink? If it were chocolate he might not even come out at all!

Thanks for reading!

Sorry if I ruined milk for you!