Spider-Man Is Just Fighting Monsters

Dude, Spider-Man's villains are just actual monsters. Like, not the people. They're more like metaphorical monsters. Rhino is a big ass angry dude, but he's still a dude. But like, between vampires and werewolves and lizard people, Spider-Man is unexpectedly the center of Halloween spirit.

The Lizard

The Lizard is classic horror. Disheveled scientist tampers with science beyond his understanding, the results mutate him into an obscene monster, and his only hope of not slaughtering innocent people is some hopeless goof in spandex. The Lizard is scary because sometimes he's just an scaly Hulk who doesn't know right from wrong, but other times-and this is scarier-he does know what he's doing, and even if it's bad he'll justify it. Like turning other people into Lizards or attempting to make his condition last longer. It's at that point the mad doctor goes from a victim to the seed of his own destruction.

The Green Goblin

Everything about The Green Goblin screams Halloween. He's a creepy Goblin. He throws exploding pumpkins. He rides a gargoyle-like glider and cackles like a demon. And worst of all, he has a man-purse. The Green Goblin has inspired plenty of rip-offs like Hobgoblin and Jack-O-Lantern who have their own staples of fear, but what lies beyond the green mask is a savvy, psychotic, egotistical capitalist businessman who'll sacrifice even his own son to get away with murdering people.

Morbius The Living Vampire

Just a vampire. Just a goddamn vampire! Like The Lizard, Mobius was a just a scientist who was trying to cure himself, but somehow ended up turning himself into a freaking bloodsucker! And not the modern, sexy, mysterious, dangerously erotic vampire. No he's a ghost-white, red-eyed, long-fanged, clawed creature of the night. He's like Tommy Wiseau's inner self. And he needs to suck. Blood. Or plasma, if he's on a cartoon.

Man-Wolf

He's just a goddamn werewolf! For crying out loud! To be fair, Man-Wolf was formally J. Jonah Jameson's son so he has some connection to Spider-Man's personal life. But ignoring that this freaking guy turns into a werewolf thanks to some weird moon rock. Not a bite or a curse or a costume, a rock turns him into an actual werewolf. Did you know Man-Wolf was the champion of another dimension for a time? Not scary, just bizarre.

Venom

Hey look he's got a spider on his chest. Weird. Venom capitalizes on making you shit your pants. Everything from the sharp teeth, claws, piercing white eyes, and inky black muscles is designed to intimidate you. The dude has saliva for days and a tongue as long as a toddler's arm. And he used to always threaten to eat people's brains. Let that sink in. Not to mention all the crazies he's attached to. Eddie Brock was a dickhead, Scorpion was a career criminal, Flash Thompson wasn't all bad, but he still had issues. And if one of these alien nightmares wasn't enough he's "spawned" multiple spin-off characters like Riot and Screech and Phage. And how can we forget Carnage. See at least Venom is usually an anti-hero who won't kill you if you're innocent, but Carnage is an actual serial killer with a weaponized alien skin that makes him impossible to kill. Venom is Jason Voorhees, Carnage is Freddy Kruger.

Morlun

You know, I don't like Morlun. I don't like what he does. What he represents. The era he comes from. The repercussions of his existence. However, I will admit an energy vampire who comes from a family of multiversal immortals and who's prime directive is to hunt down specific people, kill them, and eat them for their spiritual ties is pretty damn scary. Especially in the Marvel Universe where half the population of heroes and villains are animal-themed and Morlun goes after animal totems. This dude ate Spider-Man eyeball. This dude killed Spider-Man. This dude and his family slaughtered alternate versions of Spider-Man across reality just for dinner. That is commitment.

Thanks for reading.

Which of these spooky villains scares you the most?