Believe it or not, there are some comic book characters I just don't like. For your convenience I narrowed it down to five! So here is The Panel Biter's Top 5 Lamest Comic Book Characters.
5. The Guardian
You know how I know this guy is a cheap rip-off of Captain America? It's not just the shield. It's not just the cowl. It's the fact that Guardian was created by Jack Kirby and Joe Simon, the same legends who invented Captain America! All comparisons aside, The Guardian has had many incarnations, the most relevant being the uncle of Roy Harper/Speedy, Jim Harper. The thing that turns me off about this character is that he was never used to his full potential, I mean DC Comics has a parody of the by-the-books super soldier and they don't use him for some epic "ethics of crime fighting" story? He just seems like a toy left under the bed.
4. Spider-Woman
It's not that I hate the idea of Spider-Woman being pregnant, that's a great and clever angle to take a character. What upsets me is how ass-backwards Marvel has been about Spider-Woman's characterization. Back in the mid-2000's, Spider-Woman was a witty, badass, no-nonsense super-spy. And then in the last Secret Avengers run, she acted like being a super spy was new to her and she was innocently oblivious. Then she was thrown into the "Spider-verse" event, despite the fact that her backstory has nothing to do with Spider-Man and the only reason people pair them is because they're both spider-themed. Then she became a street-level crime fighter. And now she' pregnant. All in the course of ten years, back-to-back. Just watch, the next revamp will put her in space.
3. Tigra
She's a furry. Do I really need to clarify? Yeah, DC Comic's Cheetah has the same cat-chick thing going on, but at least The Cheetah isn't always trying to seduce people. Tigra is a freaking horn dog, from Hank Pym to Luke Cage she's always throwing her fur-hooks around, which would be common in a comic book if not for the fact that she's half-cat! That means hooking up with her is half-creepy! It would be like continuing to feed your pet cat if it gained super intelligence and the ability to speak, stand, and operate machinery. I mean, at least The Beast wore pants!
2. Squadron Supreme/Squadron Sinister
Parodies of The DC Comic's characters made for The Marvel Universe. Sounds great in theory, but The Squadron aren't so interesting that Marvel should keep bringing them back. I'm surprised DC hasn't manned-up and done a parody of The Avengers after seeing this team. Like I said, these characters are exaggerations of DC characters, but they are all unnecessary now. We don't need Hyperion to be the parody Superman, we have The Sentry. We don't need Nighthawk to a parody Batman, we have Moon Knight. We don't need Power Princess to be a parody Wonder Woman we have Sif and Angel and Thor-Girl and Valkyrie AND Thundra. Submitting creative uses of good characters for the relaunch of mere mockeries isn't intelligent, it's just another shameless reboot to bash an opposing company.
1. The Joker's Daughter
I hate The Joker's Daughter. Yeah, "hate" isn't a word I use on anything other than "Teen Titans Go", but I really hate The Joker's Daughter. I get that she's a crazy stalker, slasher-film horror villain. But lets all be real, she looks like an alternate version of Harley Quinn. If they wanted a psychopathic rebel chick, they should have rebooted Harley Quinn. Oh, right, Harley Quinn needs to be exploited for cash, so clearly we can't do anything new with her. I'd be fine if she was just a lower-class villain or a diet Harley Quinn, but DC Comics was so dead-set on making this no-named loser "the next big DC Universe threat" they put her on The Suicide Squad. A teenage girl with no prior combat experience being thrown into war. That's like taking a cosplayer and sending them in to deal with a terrorist negotiation. Then there was a story where she tried using a magic curse to revive The Joker. Oh, so now you're ambiguous teenage girl with no superpowers, no fighting experience, and no character beyond "I love The Joker", is suddenly a goddamn sorcerer? You want to do something interesting with your "amazing new character" DC Comics? Put her in the Bat-Mite comic, at least then she can be a comical rival/love interest for the biggest Batman fan in the 5th dimension. Or kill her off. I like the latter, personally.
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