Beautiful Fiction (But With Men)

Here we are with the second Valentines Day Special! First we looked at the most attractive female characters in comic books, but today we're flipping the script and looking at the hottest gentlemen of comics! How am I-a heterosexual man-going to talk about the attractiveness of men? Easy. One, I'm comfortable with my sexuality. Two, because the ladies deserve some catering too. And three, they're fictional people! We'll be looking at three categories: Brains, Body, and Personality. So lets start off The Panel Biter's Top 5 Sexiest Comic Book Heroes!

5. Gambit

 Gambit/Remy LeBeau is all about charm. Charm, and stealing people's property. You see, Gambit has another mutant ability other than kinetically charging objects into explosives. Gambit has a hypnotic charm that influences others into doing what he suggests, kind of like a Jedi Mind Trick. However, the hypnotic charm does not work on anyone who knows about it. So, you're welcome. This charm does play into the brains department because Gambit is a master thief, meaning he has to be smart enough to talk his way out of conversations. He's just as likely to talk you out of an argument as he's likely to talk you into bed. Also his powers allow him to charge and detonate objects so he's at least spaciously intelligent and good with timing. Next is his body, his sweaty, pink, Cajun body. For Gambit, being fit is importance for his profession and being a mutant means it's important for him to blend into crowds and avoid unwanted attention. The only part of his body that could indicate he's a mutant would be his eyes, pink and black and all. For his personality he is often flirtatious and very confident, he's done some awful things in the past so if you're his friend he'd rarely lie to you out of guilt and respect. However, his honesty is complete when it comes to his romantic interests. Gambit, the thief who steals hearts.

4. Nightwing

 I know, big surprise. Dick Grayson was the first Robin and the current Agent 37, but his best known role is his identity as Nightwing. Tight. Black. Suit. Aww yeah. Grayson comes from a circus background, is a member of The Batman Family and overall well loved by the superhero community, being a member of both The Teen Titans and The Justice League. Grayson is pretty damn smart, not as smart as his younger adopted brother Tim Drake, but still smart. Technology, science, robotics, chemistry, culture, he's decent in all fields so you could hold a smart conversation with him. Plus, he can detect movement before the movement is made, meaning he can read you just by looking at you. Grayson is the greatest acrobat in the DCU so his body is kept fit 24/7, the reason he wears tight costumes is to aid him in his movements. Grayson is often seen as the male eye-candy of the DCU both by readers and writers. Dick Grayson is arguably the most likable character in the DCU, being good friends with most superheroes. He's also the heart of the Batman Family, the most honest and trusting, and naturally the quickest to make a joke. Still, he is a great leader and a great follower and overall is the kind of guy people swoon over. Plus, he hasn't died yet so that's good.

3. Captain America

 One of Marvel's oldest heroes-though you can't tell by looking at him-Captain America has led The Avengers, The Invaders, and many other groups of heroes against impossible odds. Despite what you might think, just because he's from the 40's doesn't mean he's dumb, Cap is a master strategist, has memorized multiple forms of combat and uses of weaponry. When Captain America throws his mighty shield he has to pin-point it's every move before it leaves his hand, meaning he's a quick, mathematical thinker. Also before he was Captain America, he drew Funnies for newspapers, so he's clearly creative. Cap isn't just at the peak physical condition, he's also humble about it. You might see a lot of gym-jockeys flaunt their stuff, but Cap was a weak and frail man before receiving the Super-Soldier Serum so he appreciates his strength and doesn't gloat about it. Cap's personality is his most attractive feature, when he's in the field of war he is tactical, steady-headed and unwilling to let his enemy win or his friends die. When he's not fighting off villainy, Cap is your standard 1940's gentlemen who refrains from cursing and always holds doors open. I don't know about you folks, but when someone is polite to me I am polite to them and usually that interaction goes well. However, some people might think this makes Cap a boy scout. Which it does. But even if he doesn't join you in sneaking food into a theater or going somewhere you shouldn't be, he'd care enough to bail you out and remind you what the law is there for. Maybe he wouldn't be the funnest boyfriend, but at least everything he'd say to you would make you want to be a better person.

2. Luke Cage

Luke Cage is a man who knows what he wants and won't fake his way through to get it. He doesn't play games, he doesn't wear a costume, he's just a hard-working, no-nonsense kind of guy who's kindness shines through his smart mouth. Luke is an ex-con and formally a "Hero for Hire" before becoming an Avenger and starting a family of his own. When Luke decided to use his powers to make a living, he started a company called "Heroes For Hire" and hired secretaries, lawyers and other employees, showing that while he isn't super smart he's still brainy when it comes to business practices. Luke is one of the few characters to address things like insurance, poverty, gang violence and drug abuse, showing that he's a very proactive kind of person. Luke is clearly in the best shape of his life, but there's more than meets the eye. Luke was the subject of scientific experiments while he was in jail which resulted in super strength and unbreakable skin. Which means A. you can do all kinky stuff you want with no scars or bruises and B. There is no risk of being clumsy with him. Like, belt-sander clumsy. I've explained that Luke's personality is very grounded and dead-centered, but I want to express that everything Luke does is for his family, friends, and community. He's not the guy he used to be, taking street cash from drug dealers after kicking their butts, now he only wants to better those around him just like he's bettered himself.

1. Thor

Thor, God of Thunder, Mighty Avenger, Occasional Doctor, and overall swell dude. Thor is the sexiest man in comic books. Why? Well, with most characters writers and artists make them attractive because of tradition. However, like other Norse Gods and Gods of other mythologies, Thor looks like the prettiest man ever simply because Gods are perceived as perfect. That's not to say Thor is perfect, he is a clever fighter if that helps the brains department, but being on Earth for sometime he's grown accustomed to our ways. Just think of the conversations involving both Earth and Asgard you could have, the history you could learn or the chance to teach a God something new. I already mentioned his body, but holy rusted metal Batman, look at his hair! Man-buns are still in style right? Personality shows Thor is stubborn and cares a little too much or too little in the wrong situations, but he cares deeply for his friends. Even his father, who has screwed him over time and time again, has not been unloved by Thor. Even his ex-girlfriend who was dying of cancer didn't go without Thor pleading for her to let him save her. Thor may be a fighter before anything else, but he cares for people the way Gods do not. Gods see humans as ants, Thor looks humans in the eyes. For that humility, that respect and that compassion, Thor proves that his heart is as beautiful as his face. His sexy Norse face.

Happy Valentines Day from The Panel Biter!
I love you all and Thanks for reading!

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