"The Inferior Five"
We open in Berlin during the Summer Olympics as the sports correspondent Steven Colbert introduces one of America's athletes, Markus "Amazing" Everett. After winning one of the events, Markus heads down to the locker room and hears some commotion. He heads into the boiler room to find three men arming some large device. These men are Cyclotron (a cybernetic villain), Deathbolt (a costumed villain), and, their leader, The Ultra-Humanite (a villain with an ape-like body). Markus is captured by Cyclotron and Deathbolt, but takes a swing at Ultra-Humanite, this causes Ultra-Humanite to topple into the device and activate it. Markus tries to shut the device off, but the device detonates and we fade to white.
Two months later in Hollywood, California a reporter is drinking from a flask complaining about a story he's been asked to cover. He begrudgingly climbs into a large tree house which contains the headquarters of The Inferior Five, a new superhero team and the only superheroes in Hollywood. Though he and many others find them unimpressive, he was asked to get a story on them regardless. Through the reporter we meet the members of the team: Merryman is the team's leader and is incredibly intelligent (you can tell from his glasses), but suffers from quick exhaustion and physical weakness. Awkwardman is the silent tall guy in blue, he has the power of invincibility, but has a damaged equilibrium too. The Blimp is the green clad hero who has the ability to fly. More accurately, he floats with no control of how fast he goes or which direction. The White Feather is the team's archer who has enhanced vision, but can't hit the broad side of a barn if people are watching him. Finally, Dumb Bunny is the team's muscle. She's as strong as an ox, but as smart as one too. Merryman explains that the five of them were brought together by a mysterious yellow figure and that despite their weaknesses, they still try to help people by working together. The reporter points out how because of The Inferior Five, robbers got away with tons of cash last month, two weeks ago they caused a car accident and just three days ago they caused a forest fire by trying to save a cat out of a tree. Merryman points out that nobody got hurt, though. The reporter gets a call about a villain stealing technology from a StarLabs research center in Los Angeles. The Inferior Five hop in their "Van #6" and prepare to stop the robbery. When the reporter asks if the van is their sixth member, White Feather claims it's their sixth van after crashing the other five.
At StarLabs, a man calling himself The Amazing Man and his hired men are stealing containers of blue liquid and loading them into a van. One of the locals recognizes Amazing Man as Markus Everett. The Inferior Five show up to fight Amazing Man and his men, causing collateral damage as they do. Dumb Bunny fights Amazing Man, who-using his powers to turn his skin into whatever surface he touches-becomes hard as concrete and fights her back. One of the hired men kills the reporter as Amazing Man drives off with the liquids. White Feather interrogates one of the men by aiming point blank at him, "I always miss when people watch" Feather says, "But how long can that last before I run out of arrows". The hired goon claims the liquid is a plasma-substitute Amazing Man wanted for "his boss' project". Before leaving the sight, The Inferior Five surround the reporter. The reporter's last words are "This sucks". Merryman claims that they'll avenge him, but he's shocked to see the LAPD show up wanting the Inferior Five arrested for their destruction of property and on the orders of the Department of Metahuman Affairs.
Amazing Man drives the van into an abandoned steel mill where he meets up with Cyclotron, Deathbolt and The Ultra-Humanite. The Ultra-Humanite claims they need to keep moving as they almost have a sufficient amount of plasma-substitute to power his new De-Evolution Machine. The Inferior Five are locked in jail cells at the LAPD station, awaiting for the DMA to come pick them up. While The Blimp thinks they should leave and follow Amazing Man, Merryman refuses to go against the law. However, Merryman figures if they are breaking the law to enforce the law, it might be okay. So the team breaks out, avoids the cops and gets back in Van #6 to follow Amazing Man's trail. How? White Feather can smell Amazing Man's scent by blinding himself. Duh!
The Inferior Five sing songs as they drive through the Nevada desert, but park behind a van-shaped rock when they spot a moving truck outside a lone shack. Upon further investigation, Merryman deduces the shack is a cover for a U.S. Army base underground. As they enter the base they find many U.S. soldiers murdered. One soldier turns a corner and thinks the Inferior Five killed all the men, he sends out a message over a phone and prepares to fight the Five. Dumb Bunny throws a soldier's helmet at the soldier which knocks him out. As the Five keep moving, Blimp claims "it's a good thing he wasn't a main character". In a room filled with plasma-substitute, Ultra-Humanite has his men gather the containers into bags. Amazing Man feels horrified for the lives taken, but Ultra-Humanite believes their lives were taken in the pursuit of the future. The Inferior Five listen from an air duct above and fall through because of their weight. Well, expect for Blimp who just floats down. The Ultra-Humanite sees these five are superheroes and is impressed by their ability to follow him. He prepares to spill his origin story, but The Five really don't care. He continues to tell them despite their begging of him not to.
The Ultra-Humanite was once a scientist named Gerald Shugel who studied in human evolution. When Superman first showed up in Metropolis, Shugel was hurt in the collateral damage Superman caused and was bound to a wheelchair. Despite that, Shugel studied Superman and got a piece of his DNA. He theorized the DNA could be spliced with human DNA to make humans more durable. He tried taking his research to his old friend Lex Luthor, but Lex called him crazy. Shugel tried to use the Kryptonian DNA on himself, but realized his old and frail body wouldn't be able to take it. So, he built a device that would rewind his genetic evolution while also applying the Kryptonian DNA, resulting in his body reverting to that of an albino ape with superpowers. Forever cursed, the newly christened Ultra-Humanite decided to use his intelligence to rewind the human species into apes and lead them as their superior. While the other Inferior Five are sleeping at this point, Merryman points out how similar to Gorilla Grodd the Ultra-Humanite is, much to Ultra-Humanite's annoyance. The villain goes on to explain how he tried detonating a De-Evolution bomb in a laboratory basement, but he was stopped by a scientist who absorbed the first bomb's atomic energy and became his henchman Cyclotron. The second bomb ran off electricity and was going to be set off at a stunt plane show, but a pilot had solely absorbed the blast and became his second henchmen Deathbolt. Third times the charm, but as he tried to activate a bomb run by molecular energy at an Olympic event, The Ultra-Humanite's plans were foiled by Markus who absorbed the bomb's blast and gained the ability to mimic surfaces via molecules.
When everyone-even the henchmen-wake up from Ultra-Humanite's story, Merryman questions if this fourth bomb could lead to a fourth henchmen. Ultra-Humanite brushes the idea off. Cyclotron, Deathbolt and Amazing Man battle The Inferior Five while Ultra-Humanite gets away with the plasma-substitute. The Inferior Five lose the fight (of course) and Cyclotron takes Merryman as the hostage. When Deathbolt asks why they don't take Dumb Bunny, Cyclotron simply says "It's 2016, dude. It's sexist to kidnap chicks". In the moving truck, Ultra-Humanite tells Deathbolt to get to the nearest weather tower. The Inferior Five (or Four, I guess) exit the underground base and start arguing on what to do next, none of them competent enough to lead the team. They are surrounded by the DMA and a new Suicide Squad (Rick Flag Jr, Bronze Tiger, Killer Frost, Doctor Light and Sportsmaster) The Four heroes attempt to fight The Squad, but are defeated and captured.
While Ultra-Humanite, Deathbolt and Cyclotron set up the De-Evolution Machine (powered by the plasma-substitute) on the roof of a weather tower, Amazing Man watches Merryman who is held in a comically small iron cage. Merryman tries to talk Amazing Man into helping them stop Ultra-Humanite, but Amazing Man says he's already been pushed too far, that nobody will see him as a hero regardless of what he does now. Merryman tells Amazing Man his own story, which he promises will be better than Ultra-Humanite's.
As Myron Victor, Merryman grew up the son of two war heroes and could never live up to their perfection. In school he was teased for being skinny and weak and his intelligence didn't impress his peers. He passed senior year when he was thirteen and spent the next twelve years working jobs that he was far to smart to have just so could be around normal people. His father resented him and his mother was overbearing and he was at a crossroads. Until one day his house was robbed by a man he recognized from high school. Rather than have him arrested, Myron learned the man was in financial turmoil. Myron used his incredible intelligence to help his former classmate pay his dept off and find a system he could live by. Seeing how grateful the man was, Myron decided he had a power he never knew about. He could make people happy. He was recruited by yellow-clad man to join four other mistreated young adults and form a team of lousy heroes. Amazing Man asks why call themselves The Inferior Five if they are so sure they can do good and make people happy. Merryman claims that as harsh as it might be, people admire honesty. And there is nothing more honest than accepting your imperfections.
On the DMA helicopter the four heroes are chained up and teased by The Suicide Squad for their failures. Their insults cause Dumb Bunny to shed a tear. Seeing her cry, Awkwardman speaks up for the first time and claims Rick Flag is planning on killing one of The Squad members. Awkwardman lies as he claims his telepathy-which he does not have-told him that Flag is sick of the Squad's overconfidence and will kill one of them to silence them. The Squad members start fighting each other in argument over who will be killed, causing the pilot to be knocked out and the copter to crash into the ocean. Awkwardman, Dumb Bunny and White Feather are kept afloat by The Blimp. Dumb Bunny gives Awkwardman an awkward kiss.
The Ultra-Humanite's bomb is preparing to detonate and create a plasma storm that will rain across the country and turn people into stupid apes. Deathbolt hands Cyclotron an umbrella so neither of them will be affected. Amazing Man and Merryman show up on the roof and try to stop the bomb, but Deathbolt and Cyclotron fight them. Merryman-smart as he is-grabs their umbrellas and tells Amazing Man to take the properties of their rubber handles. Doing this allows Amazing Man to become invulnerable to Deathbolt's electric attacks while Merryman uses his umbrella to annoyingly poke Cyclotron until he is about to fall off the building. Merryman hands him the umbrella so Cyclotron's fall might be slower. With the two villains defeated Ultra-Humanite fights Amazing Man, berating him the entire time. The other four heroes arrive at the base of the tower, they see the knocked out body of Cyclotron and take his umbrella. Using the umbrella to catch wind currents, they ride Blimp up the tower. Amazing Man receives the help of The Inferior Five in defeating The Ultra-Humanite. Merryman goes to turn off the bomb, but he is knocked away by a yellow-clad figure. Merryman doesn't understand why the figure who brought the team together would do such a thing. The yellow figure prepares to explain everything, much to everyone's displeasure.
After Shugel was dismissed by Lex Luthor, Lex took Shugel's DNA idea and applied to five random orphans. After seeing the orphans only gained some of Superman's powers and some ridiculous weaknesses, he had his people ship them off to different orphanages around the country and then said "eh, lets just clone him". The yellow figure gathered the five orphans when they grew up and they became The Inferior Five. The yellow figure claims he knew about Shugel's plans and orchestrated all these events so that he could hijack the bomb and reprogram it to rewind the evolution of human intelligence. The yellow figure uses plasma-substitute energy from the De-Evolution bomb to attack The Inferior Five, but Awkwardman shelters his friends from the blast. Ultra-Humanite tells Amazing Man to absorb the metal of his costume and let Ultra-Humanite throw him into the bomb before it can go off. When Amazing Man questions why Ultra-Humanite wants to help them, the villain claims that as a scientist he cannot allow millions of people to become stupid if he won't be allowed to educate them. The Ultra-Humanite tosses Amazing Man into the machine, causing it to explode with no effect on the country.
Defeated and surrounded, the yellow figure grovels before the broken machine. Merryman pulls off the yellow figure's mask revealing Lex Luthor. But that can't be right. He pulls off Luthor's head to reveal Batman. He can't be in every movie! He pulls off Batman's head to reveal Bugs Bunny. That would be neat, but no. He pulls off Bugs Bunny's head to reveal a very unattractive man. Merryman recognizes this man as Alfred E. Neuman, CEO of MAD Magazine. Nueman says he wanted to make the human race stupider so that MAD Magazine would be viewed as the smartest publication on Earth and he'd made more money. When asked how he predicted all these events between The Inferior Five and The Ultra-Humanite would happen, Nueman pulls out his Genius Certificate. Merryman asks if he is such a genius, why couldn't he just make a smart magazine. To which Nueman claims, "This is America, buddy. People would rather watch teenage parents complain about affairs than learn why the sky is blue".
Nueman is arrested and The Inferior Five are lifted of all charges of accidental murder, collateral damage, and mail fraud. Apparently, Dumb Bunny kept digging through Danny Divito's mail. Amazing Man decides to become a superhero and thanks Merryman for inspiring him. The Inferior Five ask him to join, but Amazing Man makes the excuse of "Inferior Six" not sounding as good. As Nueman is being pulled away, Dumb Bunny asks what will happen to MAD Magazine. One month later, The Inferior Five and Ultra-Humanite are having lunch at a diner and-seeing as how the Five got their powers from Ultra-Humanite's plans-they consider him family. Ultra-Humanite realized he wasn't fit to lead the planet, mainly because he agreed with Neuman's statement of America's interests. Ultra-Humanite bids farewell to The Inferior Five and tells them he left a present at their HQ. As The Ultra-Humanite walks towards double-doors, we see The Inferior Five stand in amazement as their tree-house HQ has been replaced by a floating 5-shaped base and their Van #6 is an upgraded tank. On the roof of their base is a gold statue of the reporter who died earlier, with "Reporter Guy" written on the statue. The Ultra-Humanite walks into the MAD Magazine office and sits in the CEO chair. He puts his feet up and says "First order of business, gentlemen. Change the name. MAD is the past, GRAD is the future". When one board member asks what else he's going to do, Ultra-Humanite says "the same thing I do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world".
After the credits, all the actors who performed in this film are at the rap-party enjoying themselves. The director of the next Batman film is being swarmed by Mark Hamill, Jared Leto and Jack Nicholson regarding the casting of The Joker. Soon, the room is filled with gas as The Joker's laugh can be heard. Walking in the room is The Joker. Upon seeing everyone in the room knocked out, Harley Quinn removes the Joker mask she put on and proclaims, "Hmm. Maybe I should'a locked myself ina' motel room instead".
Thanks for reading. Prepare to get interstellar, because "Justice League: Spacebound" is next.
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