Thursday, May 31, 2018

Marvel Gets RANKED (Again)

Every. Marvel. Movie. Gets. RANKED. Again
Read the last one if you want.
19. Iron Man 2
18. Thor: The Dark World
17. Avengers: Age of Ultron
16. The Incredible Hulk
15. Iron Man
14. Ant-Man
13. Doctor Strange
12. Thor
11. Captain America: The First Avenger
10. Guardians of The Galaxy

9. Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. 2
Everything I liked about the first one just cranked up a few notches. Feels less important than the first one, but I still like it more. The main villain is a planet. So it's hard to ignore that. Baby Groot is obnoxiously cute. Rocket, Drax, and Star-Lord all get great emotional moments. I like Mantis more than most people do. Yondu's entire arc, man. I was not prepared to feel emotions. Also, Sylvester Stallone is now part of the MCU so that's f$&king awesome. Adam Warlock tease is good, music selections were great. I was listing to "The Chain" every other night after that film. Just a lot of fun with a lot of emotion.

8. Spider-Man: Homecoming
It's cool we have a Spider-Man movie and everything, I guess it's underwhelming now because of what he does in Civil War and Infinity War. Still, this is my favorite Spider-Man outside of the comics. Bar none. Matter of fact with the way Dan Scott wrote him I probably like the movie one more than the comic one. His costume is dope, he's actually a believable teenager in a believable high school with an age-appopriate Aunt May. It's not too much Spider-Man stuff at once. Micheal Keaton as The Vulture is way cooler than that character ever deserved and it's really cool seeing Iron Man as this mournful mentor to Spider-Man, it really made me switch opinions from how I saw the two of them in Civil War. Awesome cameos by comedians I like, and probably the closest the MCU has gotten to being street level outside the Netflix series.

7. The Avengers
6. Iron Man 3

5. Thor: Ragnarok
Fun. Fun. Fun. I like how Taiki Waititi took this dying solo movie franchise and said "Let's make it f$&king funny and action-packed and crazy". Let's Flash Gordon this sh@& up! All the ballsy stuff they did with Asgard being destroyed and Thor losing his hammer and his dad and his eye, like damn. And Hela is a hella great villain. Pun intended, I really want to see more of her. She's great. Doctor Strange making a cameo with more character than his entire film AND wearing yellow gloves. Valkyrie is a cool new character, Loki continues to be great, The Hulk has an interested arc in the film. Grandmaster is a welcomed addition. All the Jack Kirby inspired design with "Planet Hulk" elements mixed in was smart. It's funny how two completely different film synopsis managed to gel so perfectly into each other. And what a great climax.

4. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

3. Black Panther
African-inspired future city with the most advanced technology, most adaptable metal, and with traditions so old and practiced it perfectly recreates the sensation of visiting a new country. This film did so much right with a concept it would have been easy to mess up. But it respectfully and excitedly brings this underrated character's myths to the big screen. Killmonger is another knock-out villain with a great ending to his story. Klaw is just stupid fun. I remember being really worried this film wouldn't astound me like Thor 3 or Infinity War would, but I was wrong. It fires on all cylinders and I can't think of anything bad about it outside of the "hero versus bad guy in hero suit" thing. It's only 3rd by personal opinion. If this were a more fact-based rank it'd number one.

2. Captain America: Civil War

1. Avengers: Infinity War
A cold ending nobody saw coming. Teams ups nobody knew they'd love. New locations, new costumes, new villains, and a film to pay off all films before it, Infinity War was worth the hype. And it ain't even done. Elements of the MCU I totally spaced on became important, interactions and relationships tested. All while having some of the funniest lines in the MCU. So quotable. Seeing all these characters assembled brings back feelings I had for Avengers and Civil War. A better Doctor Strange than his own movie. Proof that The Falcon is useful. Some surprise experience of the dwarfish and reddish variety. Seeing both lasting deaths and cliffhanger deaths. The final war scene is epic. Thor's arc was awesome and his new weapon is badass. Captain Marvel teased. The only complaint I've heard for this movie is how if you haven't seen any other MCU films you'll be lost here. But for me that's not a flaw, it's a plus. This isn't a film for anybody, every other MCU film is. Half of them are origin movies for God's sake. This film is a payoff to everyone like me who's given enough of a crap (and enough money) to pay attention and follow all this. And it's not like it's impossible to catch up. Spend a week and a half and you watch all the movies. Spend two days and watch my essentials list. Spend half an hour on Youtube. This isn't like "Return of The Jedi" when it premiered where you had no internet to tell you what the first two Star Wars were about. It's 2018 God damn it, and if I want to watch a movie about something I don't know about I'll f%&king Google what I need to know so I can enjoy the film. I'm the consumer so only I should care if I'm lost or not watching a Marvel movie. And as a guy who has spent the last ten years praying at the flawless alter that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
I don't count Iron Fist or Inhumans as part of that alter, by the way.
Thanks for reading!

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