Why the hell is Jason Momoa playing Aquaman and not Lobo!? I don't understand how anyone could look at these two characters and say "Yeah, make him the blonde one". Hi, I'm Raffi and I like complain about things out of my control. Like Jason Momoa being Aquaman and not Lobo.
Lobo is the perfect character for Momoa to play. Just ask anyone who knows who Lobo is and they'll tell you the same. Lobo is masculine, vulgar, self-absorbed, and yet committed to his code. He is a man's man, he is The Main Man, and his ego won't let you forget it. He's all about sex, violence, money, and all the vices the world has to offer. But at his core he is a gentle creature who loved Space Dolphins. Lobo has a healing factor that would make Deadpool blush. You ever look up Wolverine facts and see the bit about Logan regenerating from a single cell? Lobo does that all the time! And unlike Wolverine and Deadpool, Lobo has never died! His healing factor isn't a mutation or alien power, it is a result of both Heaven and Hell rejecting him and giving him a healing factor that would keep him from dying so that he could never enter either afterlife. Translation: Lobo is too badass to go to Heaven or Hell. He got to be this badass by slaughtering his whole alien race-The Czarnians-just for kicks. Lobo not only breaks the fourth wall, but antagonizes readers and writers alike. Lobo is a master tactician, proficient in all firearms and explosives, has access to alien technology, has knives and a gnarly hook-chain, and he rides a hellish space motorcycle called The Space Hog. And he has an alien dog that can talk, smoke, and fire guns too. And before you think Lobo is all crust and no filling, Lobo has an interesting relationship with the heroes of the DCU. He's buddies with Green Lantern Guy Gardner, he has a deep respect for Batman and has been a member of his Justice League of America, and Lobo has clashed with characters like Superman, Deathstroke, Hawkman, and Hal Jordan. And get this-Lobo killed Santa Claus.
So I think we've established my love for Lobo. In fact, I love Lobo as much as fake Deadpool fans love Deadpool. Bite me, fanboys. So what's my beef with Momoa? Is his Aquaman that bad? Well, see, that's the thing: he isn't even playing Aquaman. The closest thing to his Aquaman is the 1990's Aquaman and even he didn't act like Momoa's Aquaman. Like, between the beer, the tough-guy routine, the solitude and hesitance to express his feelings, Momoa is just playing a diet Lobo. Aquaman is righteous, moral, he struggles with the balance of being human and Atlantean, he secludes himself at first but he doesn't drink himself silly or get a bunch of sick tats. Like, Momoa's Aquaman is just what Zack Snyder's Aquaman would be like. He'd ignore all that societal struggle stuff and emotional distancing stuff because that's boring and gay and he needs to be rugged and muscled and not into all that sissy stuff. Blonde, orange scales? He's supposed to be a badass not some kind of nancy boy. And I know Momoa can't be blamed for playing Snyder's character, but with Momoa playing Aquaman that just means we're even further away from getting a loyal version of Aquaman and a perfect version of Lobo. Besides, with how many big Hollywood actors WB could scoop up and make Aquaman, I can't help but be bitter about them playing the Momoa card too early. In fact, Momoa ASSUMED he'd be playing Lobo in "Justice League" because he looked similar to the character!
Look, I have no way of knowing where the DCEU is going to go. If "Flashpoint" is still happening, if Momoa will be role-swapped, if a new Aquaman will be cast, if we'll even get a Lobo movie. But I know this: for as much as I dislike Momoa's Aquaman and as much as I wish he never got cast as him I still think Momoa is a great actor and entertaining personality. And while he brings 100% of that to Arthur Curry, I know that it is a loss not having him as Lobo and that no other actor could come close to bringing The Main Man to life.
Well, maybe Roman Reigns. Or Danny Trejo.
Thanks for reading, bastitch.
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