You know what readers like? Change. Something new out of their favorite heroes, body-swapping, personality-shifting, power losing and power gaining, as long as it's different it catches attention. People also like it when comic book characters relate to them. And what-I dare ask-is more new and relatable than marriage? Too bad marriage is stupid.
Full disclosure: I don't think marriage is stupid, that was just a jab at comic book writers who seem to dislike marriage. Marriage is always what readers want for their heroes, it shows the characters are growing and moving forward and making real-world decisions. Dating for seventy-five years and never getting hitched seems like a dick-move. The problem with comic book executives is that they think marriage isn't entertaining. Most comic book executives want their products-I mean characters-to feel timeless and easy to pick-up. That's why comic book universes are always rebooting. Which characters carry the most popular relationship? Superman and Lois Lane, a classic love story of the god amongst men and the woman of the people. Clark Kent and Lois Lane were originally going to marry in 1990, but because the television show "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" didn't feature the characters being married at the time, the marriage was delayed six years until the show could marry the characters. So that's just classic "media vs comics" business planning, how is that against marriage? When DC launched The New 52 reboot of their universe, not only were Clark and Lois never married, but Superman was paired with Wonder Woman instead. "I gladly present a giant middle finger to you, loyal Superman fans". The event Convergence showed us what would happen if Clark and Lois stayed together and had a child and, to nobody's surprise, that issue was the best selling Convergence title and the writers killed off Superman and his family to further push their new unmarried, Wonder Woman- banging Superman.
Superman isn't the only hero hit by the not-really-divorce bomb, our Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man was the next victim. Spider-Man married Mary Jane Wattson in 1987 after the writers decided Spidey was old enough and committed enough, keep in mind this is Peter Parker when he's a young adult. For twenty years this marriage stayed a constant, excluding times when Peter and MJ would have their arguments and take breaks or when Peter was abusive to MJ because the writers were trying to make Peter look bad so their new Spider-Man Ben Reilly would look good in comparison. Twenty years, after Civil War would have Iron Man convincing Peter Parker into telling the world his secret identity and putting all his loved ones at risk. Twenty years, Aunt May is close to death after attacks on her life in response to Peter's reveal and in order to save her life-this is so dumb-The Amazing Spider-Man makes a deal with the devil to save Aunt May's life, but in exchange the devil may rob Peter and MJ of their marriage. The devil makes it so the marriage never happened, Spider-Man never revealed his identity and Aunt May was healthy. What a conclusion! And then he ends up banging a new Spider-chick because of mystical spider hormones.
Black Panther and Storm the king and queen of an entire nation? Divorce. Batwoman and Maggie Sawyer being DC's first lesbian marriage? Separated. Nightwing and Starfire getting hitched? Priest is murdered. Cyclops and Jean Grey doing what they've been dreaming of since they were teenagers? Jean dies. The only reason Spider-Man didn't get divorced was because Marvel thought that'd make him look older. And that's the problem comic book companies have with marriage and divorce, its not young and sexy, its joyful and mundane. As if married couples don't work in comic books, I'd tell you to look at Elongated Man and Sue Dibny to prove you wrong, but DC wrote them out of The New 52 to enforce their anti-marriage initiative. But what about Aquaman and Mera? And Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman? Oh yes, their individual marriages have lasted the test of time, but only because their stories usually take place in other worlds, marriage is fine if the characters aren't your average people. Superman is supposed to relate to the everyman because he hides his true power, Spider-Man is supposed to relate to the average teen because of his responsibilities, apparently if you get a popular character hitched you risk all the marketing to young people you can do with them. Has Batman married? Nope, you know why? Because that would make Batman happy. We can't have that.
So is marriage non-existant in comic books? No, not at all. There are a fair share of married characters, it's just the characters who don't get highlighted. Personally, I look forward to marriage. You're telling me I have to worry about the wants and needs of one woman for the rest of my life? Sounds better than dating, sign me up! I know it's not that simple, but I have people close to me who have experienced both marriage and divorce. And if it weren't for both of those things, I wouldn't be who I am today, and I like me. You like me too right? The cruel truth is, comic book characters are products of their time and when the executives want the characters to mature they will, but right now those companies are trying to start fresh and hook new readers. Superman and Spider-Man won't be married men until the executives realize not every comic book reader is a teenage boy. If we grow up, so should the characters. Besides, Batman Beyond and Spider-Girl MC2 are cool ideas. Thanks for reading!
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