Do The Hustler!

Who's the superstar with the music that makes the ladies swoon? "Hustler".

You're damn right.

Who's the man so slick he can sing his way outta the slammer? "Hustler".

Can ya dig it?

Who's the fool who got slapped by a man in red pj's? "Hustler".

Right on.

See, this singer Hustler is one bad mother-"shut your mouth".

I'm just talkin' about today's Z-Lister The Hypno-Hustler. "Oh no, not him".

He's an obscure Marvel baddie that nobody wants to understand. "Hypno-Hustler".

This cat was conceived by my man Bill Mantlo and Frank "Gotta Spring" Springer in 1978. Good year for music, ya'll. First making is fabulous appearance in "The Spectacular Spider-Man #24", Antoine Desloin went by the stage-name "The Hypno-Hustler" when he performed with his band "The Mercy Killers" and made use of some sweet music equipment that could "soothe the ears", if you know what I'm saying. The music he produced had a hypnotic effect on the fools that listened to it. He and his band performed at this club in New York called "Beyond Forever". First he stole the club owner's safe and then he used his hypnotic beats to force his audience into handing over their bills and jewelry. Unfortunately, his dumb, disco ass performed at the wrong club cuz' The Spectacular Spider-Man himself had been bustin' a move at this piece. Sho' nuff', Spidey and The Hypno-Hustler fought it out. Course, if Spidey got too close he could be hypnotized too. Being the smart slab of hero he is, Spidey theorized Hustler's headphones protected him from his own tunes. Spidey gave it the ol' collage "thwip" and pulled those headphones right off. Exposed to his own funky-fresh decibels, The Hypno-Hustler was paralyzed. When he, his band, and the audience all came to their senses, he and his band were all webbed up and left for the fuzz.

Ya boy Hustler had a few more gigs here and there. Had meetings with guys like Big Wheel and Man-Bull, did some bodyguarding for Tombstone. Even went crying and moaning to the boys-in-blue when Spider-Man was punching every super-villain on the block when he was looking for some missing kid. Hustler even tried to escape prison by using his tunes on the guards, but his little live show was cancelled courtesy of "Disco Is Dead" by Spidey, featuring MC Deadpoolie.

And yo, check this ballsy move on Hustler's part. In the alternate future of "Spider-Man: Reign", New York is under the control of a police movement called The Reign. When everybody hears Spider-Man is gonna come out of retirement to kick some ass, The Hypno-Hustler reappears to hype up the citizens and dis the Reign officers. And like a punk-ass-b&%$, he's stomped out and iced by the police. Let's pour a forty for our homie.

Check it, The Hypno-Hustler is the last bastion of a bygone era. With him, he not only carries the music that moved an entire generation, but the soul, the energy, and the passion of a time when music came from the heart. None of this poetry, none of these soundboard special effects, and none of this auto-tune BS. The Hypno-Hustler simply takes the influence of his music and distracts fools with it, with music that reminds them that life ain't so bleak and dreary. And when those drooling masses are jumping and jiving and having a good time, Hustler is getting his pay, his bonus, and everything else those poor suckers got in their pockets. Now I ain't sayin' he's a saint, and I ain't sayin' he's a monster, but you gotta respect a musical genius who can rob your wallet just by playing you a song. Man, Kanye wishes he can swindle people like The Hypno-Hustler. And yeah, he may not be The Disco Devil, but The Hypno-Hustler glistens success like a diamond ring on the dance floor.

Peace!