Venom: Lethally Disrespectful

Tom Hardy, if you're reading this just know I mean no disrespect. You're a great actor, one of the only good things about the third Nolan Batman movie, and you're probably a nice man. Your decision not to be in "Suicide Squad" was smart, but this role in "Venom" won't do you any good. Again, no offense. With that bullshit out of the way let's talk about the horrible Venom movie we're going to get.

For the sake of covering my ass I'm not going to talk about whether or not Tom Holland will be in "Venom". Sony has stated he'll possibly be in the film, but there is no confirmation as of now meaning Spidey won't be wearing the suit first or fighting Venom. Sony has also said Venom and their other future flop "Silver & Black" will kick off the "Sony Marvel Universe" and that Venom will be their main name. At the same time though the producer of the film said it would take place in the same world as the MCU. So Sony wants to have their own cinematic universe with two-and-a-half franchises so they can feel like their still in the competition, but they also want their universe to be part of the MCU so people who like the MCU will stupidly pay to see their films? Yeah, that sounds fair. If you ask me, it sounds like Sony is biting the hand that feeds them. After the Sony Leaks thing the company made their deal with Marvel/Disney because they didn't have the resources or the talent to make a Spider-Man movie happen. So Marvel helps them, we get a great movie, but Sony knows people are going to associate that movie with Marvel despite all of Sony's hard work. "Hard work" being that cried and begged for Marvel's help. And "despite" meaning Spider-Man being a Marvel character, Spider-Man being estranged from the MCU for ten years because of movie rights, and Spider-Man being one of three properties people wanted to see added to the MCU. So it's not that people overlooked you, Sony. It's that you were too stubborn to just take the loss and now you're stuck in a commitment you were desperate to make. And now Sony's only solution is mooching off Marvel until they don't need their money and respect anymore.

Now look, if you like Tom Hardy, you're not special, one-of-a-kind, different, or alone. Everytime I talk to someone about this movie and how much I worry, all they say is "Yeah, but Tom Hardy". Like, everyone is blind to how bad this could be because Tom Hardy is in it. Because he's attractive and a good actor and he was in "Fury Road" and everybody loved that film. May I remind you that Tommy Lee Jones-a great actor with plenty of phenomenal film roles-was in "Batman Forever"? A superhero movie that made a lot of money, but still sucked? He got work after that and people still liked him, but nobody ever brought up his Two-Face up as anything close to good. And now Hardy is in the same boat. A good actor who has had good roles and will go on to have good roles, but will never be acclaimed for his role in this shitty movie. An actor alone cannot make a movie great. It takes writers and producers and a solid plan, all things Sony has messed up on multiple times. You think "Amazing Spider-Man 2" was the worst it could get? Imagine that plus an actor you like, a character you like, and a complicated relationship with a movie universe you like. This movie could very well be Hardy's worst use of talent and I bet you it was all planned. Sony knew from day one "Venom" was a bad idea. They knew they'd be abusing their relationship with Marvel, they knew they had a bad track record of making Spider-Man movies with Marvel's help and blessing, and they knew they didn't have the balls to tell Avi Arad to leave. Sony knew and still knows "Venom" will only make things worse for them and get them in deeper trouble, but they also have to make movies and they don't want people to see them as Marvel/Disney's understudy. They want respect, but don't want to admit defeat to get it. So they got a director who's only good movie was a dark comedy, four writers who's works include "Gangster Squad", "Amazing Spider-Man 2", "Zombieland", "Fifty Shades of Gray", and "Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle", and an actor everybody loves who couldn't possibly do a bad job even if the movie is bad AND they can use to mask all the issues with their movie. So even if "Venom" sucks as much as I know it will, people will still say it was decent because Tom Hardy was in it.

So. In short. "Venom" will have a bad story, masked by Tom Hardy. The effects will be lame and generic, masked by Tom Hardy. And there will be little to no connection to the MCU because of Sony's bitterness, masked by Tom Hardy. When you attach an actor to a role it's because you think the actor will fit the role well. Eddie Brock is a total psychopathic asshole who deserves everything that comes to him. Does that sound like a character Tom Hardy could play? Maybe, but that's not the kind of character Sony wants so they'll call him Eddie Brock, write him like a Flash Thompson ripoff, and make him look like all those cool comic book covers with Tom Hardy masking the whole Frankenstein product. Hiding your movie behind an actor people like makes you look desperate, incompetent, and shows a lack of confidence in your product. Are you so unsure of your movie that you cast an actor everyone knows and likes to distract them from the mistake you've made? Instead of working hard on making a good movie and casting actors who fit the roles properly? Well Sony, I'll agree you're nothing like Marvel/Disney. But you're everything like Warner Bros.

Thanks for reading.