I'm pretty upset.
Yeah, fuck Batman. Right? Fuck em. Fuck him because that's the popular thing to say. Fuck him because wouldn't that make us look so dark and edgy. Fuck him because after two and half dark and gritty takes on two of the world's most iconic superheroes people still don't like Warner Bros' movies, right? Because dark works so well! Because "Arrow" wasn't good until it wasn't dark anymore! Because "Gotham" isn't anything without it's dark and grittiness! Because the trailers for "Shazam" and "Aquaman" were so good because they weren't dark! Because they made fun of DC being dark!
You call this shit Teen Titans? Oh, sorry, "Titans". I'd hate to take this serious, grounded, revamped take on a beloved comic book series and talk shit about it because it's not what I want. I'd hate to sit here at my computer and say "Teen Titans Go is better than this". I'd hate to watch the Season 3 trailer for "Young Justice" and say, "Well at least this is good". I've been nothing but excited for this garbage. I said Robin looked good, Hawk and Dove looked good. I accepted the younger Raven, I accepted a non-green Beast Boy, I could deal with no Cyborg, and I even tolerated an African-American Starfire in a fur coat and a hooker dress. I said "Fuck yes" to all of that shit. And for what? So Akiva Goldsman and Geoff Johns and Greg Berlanti can hang the potential of a live-action Titans TV show over my head, get me all hyped, and then turn it into some Zack Snyder "Watchmen" bullshit!?
You had one trailer. One goddamn trailer to hook me! Three minutes of footage to get me interested in this shit. And what do you focus on? Raven's problem-which is dark and serious, the death of the Graysons and Robin's hate for Batman-which is dark and serious, Hawk and Dove bashing people's heads in while Starfire burns people alive-which is dark and serious. These are teenaged superheroes and you're having them burn people to death!? Which Starfire doesn't even do, by the way! She shoots fucking lasers, not goddamn flames! And Dove, oh my God, Dove. Did you even read the synopsis to Hawk and Dove!? Hawk represents violence and aggression and strength, and Dove represents peace and understanding and teamwork. And you made Dove kill a man!? I'm actually happy I didn't get to see Beast Boy transform because knowing this show he would've turned into a bear and mauled someone to death. And then Robin shooting guys!? Killing guys!? Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you so hard!
If Robin kills people than why is a big deal that Jason Todd is gonna get an episode? Why would The Red hood even be a big deal? So he kills people with guns? Well now you're just describing Robin. Can's do Damian now. Can't do stories about Batman being too dark and violent for Robin to handle now. Can't make Deathstroke or Brother Blood scary because, hey, Robin kills people. Why would Raven even go to Robin for help, he's probably just going to kill her. You know because he's a petty, violent, psychopath. Right? Isn't that Dick Grayson? Isn't that the character we all know and love!? A character who is literally friends with the entire superhero community? A character who views Batman as his father figure, and got the idea for Nightwing from Superman, and had loving relationships with Starfire and Batgirl, even when Barbara Gordon was crippled? A character who took on the responsibility of being Batman? A character who inspired Tim Drake and helped raise Damian Wayne and inspired the entire young hero community of DC Comics to become the next generation of heroes!? The first fucking sidekick to ever exist!? Isn't he just a murderous, vulgar, son of a bitch with his bright RED, YELLOW, AND GREEN costume!? Yep, he's just like The Comedian, guys!
I wish I never hated "Teen Titans Go". I wish I never talked shit about those Teen Titans animated movies. I wish I read all of Scott Lobdell's awful Teen Titans comics and I wish I never bitched and moaned about there being no Robin in "Batman v. Superman: Somebody Kill Me". I hate this trailer, I already hate this show, these writers and producers have effectively taken my favorite comic book character and turned him into another wannabe badass. They don't understand what made The Teen Titans special or interesting or fun or relatable or anything like that. They just wanted another dark, gritty, self-hating superhero show to shove all their lazy, unnecessarily morbid stories into. They used Teen Titans as a goddamn lure to trick fans like me and you into actually looking forward to this shit. Well, congrats Warner Bros. and DC, you've taken another symbol of justice and soiled it with your dark, wet, trash. You may be getting my money for your stupid streaming service, but I'd sooner cancel "Young Justice" Season 3 than watch a single episode of this trash.
Thanks for reading.
If they ever do an episode where Control Freak compares them to the old "Teen Titans" show and shits on them for it, I'll happily take the part.
No comments:
Post a Comment